2 Simple Tips To Help You Get What You Want

Do you think about the things you’d like to have or you want to achieve? Have you set out to achieve your goal and started taking action but then somewhere along the line, you drift off and your goal falls by the wayside?

When we set ourselves a new goal, it is usually because we decide we want something or we don’t want something.

Example 1: I fancy some summer sun and I want to go on holiday.

  • My decision to set a goal to book a holiday is based on looking forward to enjoying a holiday in the sun. This is a goal set in the future, that I want to move toward.

Example 2: I hate this job – I need to find a new job

  • My decision to find a new job is based on the fact that I hate my old one, so in this case, my goal is driven my need to get away from something I don’t like. My driver is, therefore, to move away from something.
Moving away from something that’s causing us pain can be a really strong driver. It can be the kick up the butt, to force us out of our comfort zone and to take action. There is a slight problem though…

If we only take action to change based on something that’s causing us pain, as soon as we’ve moved out of the extreme pain that inspired us to take action, our motivation can start to slip.

We stop taking the rapid action that we started off with and our motivation starts to fall.

If we’re not careful, we can end up in another comfort zone that isn’t quite as painful as where we started from but really isn’t where we would like to be. At worst, we slip right back to where we started and possible into an even more painful situation.

A good example of this is the YoYo weightloss journey many of us have experienced.

Have you ever been invited out, gone to buy a new outfit, only to realise you’ve shifted up a size and when you look in the changing room mirror, you realise how BIG your bum looks in ALL the outfits… (Yes – can you tell I’m speaking from personal experience?)

or

Even Worse… You buy an outfit that you think you look good in and then you see the photographs afterward and realise how FAT you look! You felt good on the day but the reality was the size 18 dress didn’t look as good as it felt!!!

“That’s it – I HAVE to lose some weight – I look awful”

weightloss-journey

  • The diet begins, the weight begins to drop off and after a period of time, you get close to your goal weight
  • Now you’re feeling more comfortable… I’ve done so well, just one cheat won’t matter and your back on the slippery slope…
  • The weight begins to creep back on.. and a few EXTRA pounds added too?

 

This is partly because you set out on a journey to lose weight out of desperation, to get away from something that felt painful. As soon as it didn’t feel so painful, the cheating began and with it, the extra pounds start to pile back on too.

How can this be avoided?
Tip 1

When setting a new goal, recognise whether you are being pushed to take action based on trying to move away from something or toward something. If your motivation is coming from trying to move away from something painful, it’s important to recognise that once you’re out of the EXTREME pain zone, you’re likely to start slipping.

You can, therefore, build in a strategy that will keep you going when you’re out of the extreme pain zone.  Instead of just moving away from something, start to look at all the benefits that you’ll experience when you achieve your goal. WRITE THEM DOWN.

  • What will achieving your goal give that will enhance your life?
  • What are the future benefits?
  • What will your life look like when you achieve success?

Reminding yourself of the benefits of achieving your goal and creating a future vision, will help to keep you motivated even when you’re out of the EXTREME pain zone!

Tip 2

We’re most likely to succeed in achieving our goals when we set goals that create a strong emotion.

Whether your goal is inspired because you want to get away from something or you’re inspired to achieve something great (moving toward something), you need to connect emotionally with your goal.

If our goals are wishy-washy, it’s unlikely that we’ll prioritise the actions we need to take to achieve them.

  • When you’re writing down your goal, add in details that make the goal come to life and stir your emotions. So, in Example 1, rather than just saying I want to book a holiday, I could write:
    • Going on holiday, would enable me to relax in the sun and listen to the waves rolling up against the shore, as I lie on my lounger, noticing the sparkling flickers of sun as it hits the ripples on the sea. I can hear the sound of my granddaughters laughing as they splash their dad. My husband’s hand reaches out and strokes my arm and we share a beautiful moment, watching our family, feeling love for each other and for them.
      • I could continue building this future vision and I would include specific details about where I am (which Country/location), the type of accommodation I’m staying in (Villa/hotel/camping etc. etc.)

The more time I spend writing my goal in a way that creates a powerful image in my mind of the future benefits and which also connects me emotionally to the goal, the more likely I am to spend the time planning what I need to do to achieve my goal and then TAKING the action I need to take to achieve it.

When I start to waiver, I can revisit my Vision, which will re-connect me to the emotions of the benefits of continuing with the necessary action.

Having struggled for years with YoYo weightloss and never quite achieving my ‘goal weight’ and then slipping back into old eating patterns and piling on some extra pounds, I eventually learned the hard way.

When I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes, I was forced out of my comfort zone and was definitely moving away from something that was painful.

However, it was also the wake-up call I needed to start thinking about my future and how I wanted my life to be. I created a new vision for my future and when I feel myself slipping away from my low carbohydrate diet, I re-visit the vision I created and it really does help to keep me on track.

2 years on, I’m still on track!

The secret really has been to connect emotionally with my goal, thinking about how life will be if I don’t keep taking action (the pain of becoming ill with diabetes) and the benefits of maintaining a diet that keeps me in remission – time with my family, great holidays, enjoying life etc.

Family-fun

What goals have you set that you haven’t achieved? I’d love to hear from you and have a conversation about how you can start building a goal that has a future vision and that you can connect to emotionally.

 

 

Leave me a comment below to get the conversation started…
Follow:
Share:

15 Comments

  1. February 27, 2018 / 6:58 am

    This is so timely for me Wendy. I’ve had this urge recently to create/update my “plan” or “focus board” for what I want to achieve this year. Connecting emotionally with our goals is a great way to really get in touch with what we want and I think this will really help me. This is just the kick up the rear I need to hone in on specifics, especially with the emotional side of it. Thanks for inspiring me yet again. Seems to me that you’re definitely starting to rise my friend. Hugs 🙂 xo

    • Wendy
      Author
      February 27, 2018 / 3:25 pm

      Aww bless you Miri – thanks so much for your lovely comments today.. The last pull I needed to get me back to the top of the cliff… Thank you so much my lovely friend! xx You’re definitely connecting emotionally and go for that update of your Focus Board Miri – so much to look forward to! xx

      • February 27, 2018 / 7:53 pm

        There really is so much to look forward to, for both of us. Onwards and upwards! xx

        • Wendy
          Author
          February 27, 2018 / 8:41 pm

          Yee Haa! xx

  2. February 25, 2018 / 9:55 am

    Mary, you have superpowers …. I have been doing really well with my health and weight loss goals since last August. Fell off the wagon at Christmas but only briefly, did well when I was in England in January and then all of a sudden this month I have been dreadful and it is beginning to show. Mostly it is showing in my reluctance to get on the scales. So today I will sit and contemplate my goals again and I will follow your steps and hopefully be stepping back towards success again very soon. Not hopefully, I WILL!! Thank you Wendy, you are a superstar 💫 xx

    • Wendy
      Author
      February 25, 2018 / 7:56 pm

      I wish I did have superpowers – I can definitely think of a few things I’d do (speaking as Mary of course…)! I think February is a month where after all the great intentions and the hustle and bustle of Xmas and the New Year that suddenly we feel a bit ‘flat’… (apart from the belly and bum that is!!) Yep sometimes we need to take a bit of time to re-visit our goals so good for you Fiona! I know you’ll be back on track very soon and rockin that body! xx

      • February 25, 2018 / 8:15 pm

        I’ve spent today taking a good stock and writing a list. It is interesting to really consider what my drivers are, why I want this. Having understood that once and for all, my goals seem achievable rather than ephemeral – the call of the flat bum and belly are back on!! xx

        • Wendy
          Author
          February 25, 2018 / 8:24 pm

          Yee Haa so now I just need to take my own advice and get that bum and tum flatter too and get rid of the jelly belly once and for all!!! Fantastic and now you’ve inspired me to practice what I preach.. xxx

          • February 25, 2018 / 8:27 pm

            The hardest thing …. practicing what we preach 😉 xx

          • Wendy
            Author
            February 25, 2018 / 10:55 pm

            Yep – it is, which is why it’s great to have another wise Mary send back my words – just what I needed too! xx

          • February 26, 2018 / 4:39 am

            💛👭💛

          • February 26, 2018 / 4:37 am

            Practicing what one preaches is often the hardest part but I think that you actually do! Xx

          • Wendy
            Author
            February 27, 2018 / 3:27 pm

            I try but sometimes I slip and need a hand to pull me back up and ‘en route’ once again.. I’ve seen some slippage since Xmas but feel myself getting the boosts back up the slope I needed! xx

          • February 28, 2018 / 1:27 pm

            Crampons! That’s what we need …. or good sturdy grippy soled shoes – then the slope is easily conquered 😀 xx

          • Wendy
            Author
            February 28, 2018 / 5:15 pm

            Or a big shove up the backside! xx

I love to read your comments... It's always great to start a conversation!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.