Are we increasingly becoming a hedonistic, pleasure seeking society, in which mutually respectful, romantic relationships are going to become a thing of the past? ……
Call me Old Fashioned that’s fine but I’m writing this serious post, out of a genuine and increasing concern for younger members of my family and the impact on our society, that the ever growing use of Tinder and other similar on line dating apps are having here in the UK.
Tinder’s on line dating app has massively taken off in the UK over the last couple of years and is reported to have 50 million members checking for ‘hook ups’ in their area, on average 9 times per day!
At first glance, I can see that ‘on line’ dating appeals to people, who spend their lives ‘on line’, in order to connect with like minded people in their area as a way of replacing the traditional methods which included meeting up with local people in local pubs… Use of pubs as a social activity in the UK is seriously in decline, with pubs closing down at a growing rate every day…
I’m sure too that there is a great side to these ‘on line’ dating sites like Tinder, where people have met and formed great relationships. However, in my view, there is a growing ‘seedy side’ to some on line dating apps, which from what I am gleaning, is increasingly concerning and I’m not generally prudish.
I’ve heard from some younger members of my family that there are many people now using Tinder to hook up purely for casual sex . People (of all ages over 18 (thank goodness Tinder saw sense and removed access to people aged under 18 from June 2016) offer no ties, no relationship, just pop over for sex and it doesn’t matter if you are in a long term relationship with someone else or not…
I heard this week of a TV programme that was aired recently,that highlighted the increasingly bizarre methods used by some Tinder members, of deciding whether sex is on offer e.g. ‘sniffing armpits’ on meeting face to face, to see if they are attracted to each others pheromones!
I’m horrified at the thought that this is going to be the way forward here in the UK when it comes to my granddaughters growing up and meeting people and I hope that my fears are unfounded…
I’m struggling to understand what benefit this ‘quickie no strings sex’ is having other than the obvious momentary orgasm. It seems that there is an ‘orgasm’ waiting to be had on a growing number of street corners… but now it’s FOR FREE so there isn’t even the ‘guilt factor’ of spending money, that there was previously for people who may have considered using prostitutes for casual sex.
Surely the instant gratification of cheating on your long term partner, leads to guilt and mistrust, let alone the potential spread of sexually transmitted diseases? I’ve heard of some people using this ‘free, easy access sex’ to notch up 100’s of sexual encounters which can then be compared and boasted about on nights out with their mates.
Word apparently spreads fast on where ‘sex’ is freely available in the local area… and in the examples I’ve heard about, some of the men taking up the offer of sex have increasingly found themselves needing more and more high frequency sex and yet are also increasingly derogatory about the women who are fulfilling this need. Surely this can’t be good for our society?
I’ve also noticed a growing ‘lack of trust’ in long term partnerships, where one person is worrying that their partner is able to access free sex if they chose to, as it’s readily within their very local environment. Gossip amongst parents waiting for the children to come out of school seems to spread rumours quickly about people they know ‘hooking up’, regardless of being in other relationships…
I recognise that ‘no strings’ sex has appealed to some men (and women but to a lesser degree) for thousands of years, however, I am wondering what women are getting out of this new ‘on line, quickie, no ties free sex’ – is this really fulfilling their sexual needs?
For me, pleasure in sex was gained through the development of a trusting, caring relationship in which there was a mutual respect for each other. I’m sure this new way of ‘hooking up’ for sex must lead to a lack of self respect let alone a lack of ‘mutual respect’.. https://brilliancewithin.com/2016/03/27/8-ways-to-help-develop-enduring-love/
With the added easy access to the intense and pretty dark pornographic images, that people are able to find on the internet, and the impact particularly for younger people in their sexual formative years, I seriously fear for where this new approach to sex is leading our society… I simply can’t imagine how this free quickie, no ties, easy access sex, which also offers a wide range of ‘fetishes’, is an advancement….
From my perspective I hope the Tinder phenomenon burns itself out but I suspect it may have to get worse before it gets better… Yep I’m a Luddite….. Let the Tinder Burn Itself Out!
What do you think? Let me know in the comments below…
Images found on ‘Bing’ Search
Yikes Wendy…what next? Online casual sex is pretty scary. I wish our young people could find more healthy ways to get their kicks. Some of the fetishes and fantasies on offer can be quite dangerous, and by no means safe when practiced by people who don’t have a clue about the importance of “safe words” and hygiene. Will this craze burn out or will the sparks ignite other such websites? We can only hope that the young people engaging here will first know their boundaries, and be ready to put the cabash on any encounter that doesn’t feel right. All bells and whistles apply!
Absolutely – and sadly it’s not just young people who are engaging in this.. from what I’ve been hearing and seeing it really is open to all ages and sexual preferences. To me it is people lacking respect for themselves.. and incredibly sad! I hope it turns full circle and people realise how destructive this may be.. I really hope it burns itself out! Thanks for reading and commenting Jen.. It’s heartening that there are lots of people who dislike this as much as I do.. xxx
I’m in complete agreement! Seems to be the next stage in a society that prefers texting over actual conversation. Meaningless texts, meaningless sex….what’s next??
Hopefully we’ll go full circle and people will realise there is more to life… We can but hope but it is a horrible time in that regard.. Thanks for taking time to read and comment, I really appreciate it.. xx
Great informative post. I totally agree with both you and Lesa Rose’a comments.
Hi Cheryl – missed this comment previously – really sorry for delayed response! I totally agree – life is getting more complex and although technology is great in some ways, it has it’s ‘down’ side too.. Thanks for taking time to comment! xx
NOTE TO SELF:
Check out Tinder (secretly) 🙄 <3
Be careful… you never know there may be some ‘cougars’ waiting to pounce, use you and then just abandon you Ralph!! haha x
🙂 🙂 <3
I have to agree with you on this Wendy and I feel so sad that this is happening. I am glad I am an oldie!
Definitely – me too! Hopefully it will turn itself around – fingers xx! x
I am old fashioned even though I grew up being promisciuous. I know what sex does. I know the ties it leaves. When our souls are empty we do anything to seek pleasure but it will never last. May our kids learn about what it is to have a relationship and be in a relationship before they open up themselves to sex.
Thanks Lesa – yes absolutely.. sadly they are being exposed to so much too young but this is a bizarre phenomena that is impacting on people of all ages and I’m no prude but in the UK it seems to be escalating.. sadly. Take care and have a good weekend.. xx
You too. Too much is being thrown at our youth these days.
It definitely is – I really feel sorry for what they are having to deal with.. x
Good grief!!! I’d heard of these sites but I never realised the real intention behind these places!! Thank you for opening my eyes… I’m never letting my son out alone again!
Seriously though, I think that’s awful..what has happened to basic respect?? I’m obviously old-fashioned…the whole contraceptive/STD thing worries me too..I hope the people that use these sites are at least taking precautions.
I know – it really is a horrible side to life that is being made available on a larger scale than ever really before.. Not good for the lads or the girls! It’s really such a shame… I’m sure this wasn’t what we expected when we were fighting for equality and female emancipation! I’m glad I’ve opened your eyes to this though as we need to be open about it!… Sorry to scare you though!!! xx
Oh yes, let it burn out please. I’m with you on this one Wendy, this does nothing for the advancement of meaningful relationships. I’m not a orude but oh, to turn back time.
Oh good – I was a bit wary about posting this but with so many nieces, nephews and grandchildren, I do worry where this is leading… Yep – it’s like the song isn’t it… If we could turn back time although I know we can’t and so hopefully it will move full circle … Ah well … from one old fuddy duddy to the next.. Have a good day! x
Absolutely. I have an 18yo daughter as well so I know the worries … Enjoy the weekend Wendy.
Thanks Miriam – yikes 18 – scary! xx
Yep, I know. My baby is not a baby anymore!
The time goes by so quickly without us realising it – my baby is now 27 – REALLY scary!! …. and then you move into phase 2… grandchildren who as you can tell from my blog are adorable and bring so much pleasure into our lives!
Sounds wonderful Wendy … not just yet for me though please. Let my baby grow up just a little bit more … 🙂
Oh crikey – definitely not at 18 if it can be helped and certainly no rush…! Just something to look forward to down the line maybe x
Absolutely! xo Down the line 🙂