We often look at life through the same window and see things only from ‘our perspective’. Our view of the World or a situation is based on what we ‘believe’ to be true.
Can you believe that sometimes Your View MAY BE WRONG? You may be looking from the wrong window…
What we ‘believe’ isn’t necessarily reality and may only be your perception of what is correct based on your ‘beliefs’ that you have developed throughout your life. Yikes – it’s scary to think that what you’ve been telling yourself – sometimes for years may indeed be based on a false belief!
CHALLENGE YOUR BELIEFS AND LOOK AT LIFE THROUGH A DIFFERENT WINDOW – YOU MAY BE SURPRISED AT HOW THE VIEW CHANGES!
We often develop a ‘belief’ about ourselves as a child that actually isn’t true and is based on our interpretation of a situation that we didn’t have the knowledge or understanding to think differently about at that time. Sometimes, our belief is based on the words of others and our belief about ourselves is formed and remains with us from childhood and colours how we see the world as an adult.
Our beliefs influence how we behave and often it is an inaccurate belief about ourselves that results in self sabotaging behaviour. Do you ever say you can’t do something because…
“I’ve never been able to draw – I was rubbish at art at school” or “My brother was the clever one – I’m just a dumb blonde” or “I was never any good with money and I’m still not” etc…
I told myself I was rubbish at art for years, until I was hypnotised and produced a proper painting on canvas using REAL paints under hypnosis. It wasn’t that I couldn’t paint it was that I’d limited myself because I thought I couldn’t and therefore never tried.
I’d established a belief when I was a young child comparing my attempts at drawing with my sister who was 5 years older and decided my drawings were ‘rubbish’ therefore I stopped trying and sabotaged any future opportunity at school to take art lessons – I signed up for Woodwork instead (maybe it was because there were more boys in the art class – haha!)
I remember that when my mum was very poorly and my two sisters and I were looking after her, there were moments when we all clicked back into childhood communication with each other – This definitely wasn’t helpful but ‘in the moment’ was a very strong influence/automatic trigger on our adult behaviour – Oh dear!
Even as adults, we continue to develop self sabotaging beliefs about ourselves. Maybe you’ve had a ‘toxic’ relationship with someone that you decided to walk away from. You talk to friends and family about it and make some sweeping statements… “I’m never going to find anyone decent” or “I’m rubbish at relationships – they all end up the same way” or “Maybe it’s me – I can’t ever commit” etc….
When you talk to yourself in this way, you are creating a ‘belief’ about yourself that simply isn’t true – you are skewing your perception of yourself and influencing how you will behave in future relationships. If you go into a new relationship with the belief that you’re rubbish at relationships then do you think this may influence how you behave within the relationship? It becomes the ‘Self Fulfilling Prophecy’ and so you continue reinforcing your ‘incorrect’ belief in your subconscious mind over and over again…..
Maybe you would like to spend more time with your family but work gets in the way – you find yourself working harder and harder, longer and longer even though you tell yourself that you want to spend more time at home. There’s always another target to meet or project to finish that keeps you in work for longer than you intend. How many hours do you spend watching TV maybe and then saying ‘I don’t have time to…’
These are all self sabotaging behaviours developed from some of your deep routed self sabotaging beliefs. They influence how you live your life, how you view situations, how you place blocks in your own path without even realising it.
When you aren’t achieving what you say you want to achieve then you may be ‘self sabotaging’ your life as a result of your beliefs which have formed throughout your life. These may be beliefs about yourself and or about others around you. Once you are aware of this, there is a way forward:
Recognise that your belief is either correct or incorrect!
- If it’s correct and you are right about what you think about yourself or someone else, then you can make some changes and learn some new ways of behaving by learning some new skills and techniques etc.
- If it’s incorrect and you were wrong about what you believed then you can make some changes, feel that weight lift off your shoulders and get on with learning some new skills and techniques to support you in moving forward with what is actually true…
So how do you start to overcome the self inflicted barriers and start to view the world through a different window?
- You need to listen to what you’re telling yourself – your ‘self talk’ is influencing your behaviour. When you hear yourself making excuses “I can’t do that because” … then recognise that this may simply not be true and acknowledge that it may just be an excuse to support your self limiting belief. If it is true then you can still decide to do something different.
- Ask yourself “How could I”… improve a relationship, develop my social life, spend more time with my family….. etc. You may be surprised at some of the answers you give yourself – they may not come to you immediately but you will start to get ideas popping into your head over the next few days – Write those ideas down!
- Form a plan – actions you can take and then make sure you stick to them. It’s likely to feel very uncomfortable at first – Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway!
- Be aware that your subconscious mind likes to keep you in your ‘cosy slippers’ – sometimes they don’t fit well but they make you feel comfortable. Your mind will keep trying to make you put your cosy slippers back on – dragging you back and blocking you from changing your ‘perspective’ and thus your ‘behaviour’. Be brave – when you feel yourself feeling uncomfortable recognise that you are going in the right direction and KEEP GOING!!!
- Enlist support from people you trust will support and encourage you. However, be aware that as you make any significant change in your own life and you start behaving differently, this may impact on others around you which makes them ‘uncomfortable’ and ‘unsupportive’ – they may try to drag you back to your comfy slippers too. Sometimes you need to join a group of people who are trying to change – a support group, rather than relying on friends and family.
- If you keep running back to your ‘cosy slippers’, recognise this is what you are doing and don’t give up on yourself – you can change! Look for a good therapist or listen to some motivational speakers on Youtube, take up some ‘meditation’ or ‘visualisation’ – all these things can really help support you to shift your perception of the world around you and teach you some new coping strategies.
- Create your DREAM Vision Board How to Create a Dream Vision Board and your Focus Vision Boards 5 Steps to Create Your ‘Focus’ Vision Board – look at them every day to keep reminding yourself about why you want to change, what the benefits in your life will be and what you are aiming to achieve by doing so.
- Set some Milestones – remember “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” – you need to break your journey down into stages and have some smaller milestones to work toward along the way.
9. Change the window from which you view life….
10. Enjoy the experience!
P-S: I’m also recommending this post to a co-blogger who might benefit from your positive waves.
Brilliant – thanks so much Joelle!
This was an excellent post, Wendy. I am planning to read it to my husband: I think he should start a dream board as I start my happy memory jar 🙂
Oh how lovely Joelle and I’m so glad you are able to share it with hubby too! You could also do a ‘joint vision board’ ….. xx
Just what I needed today. AWEsome advice. Many thanks Wendy.
Fabulous Pamela – I’m glad it was what you needed to hear – it’s strange how that seems to happen… Hope you’re having a lovely weekend! xx
Brigid here! Hope you are having lovely weekend too…
I knew I was wrong when I sent that without double checking first – so sorry! That serves me right for rushing through the day.. xx
Wendy Awesome post, you are right. belief can be correct or incorrect. i think belief also change with time, and understanding. We can be influenced greatly by others and we need to be smart when under the influence. I love you step by step action plan so useful. really enjoyable post.
Thanks so much – I really appreciate your positive feedback to this post and hope you are well too.. xx
Excellent read Wendy. Really enjoyed that positivity in life.
Thanks Sumith – I’m so glad you enjoyed this post. Much appreciated! x
Wonderful, positive post! People can change…
Absolutely – life can change in an instant if we make just a small shift in how we look at things.. Thanks for commenting – very much appreciated! x
Also, good pointers if you feel so unmotivated you don’t know where to start!
That’s absolutely true – starting somewhere – even just a tiny step can lead to massive change very quickly.. x
Great post. Beliefs hold so many people back. You provided an excellent road map to change,
Ahh – thanks so much. I’m really pleased you enjoyed this post.. x
Reblogged on https://owningadogwithanxiety.wordpress.com/
Wow – thanks so much for the reblog – I’m honoured! Very much appreciated xx
Print-and-hang-on-the-wall worthy. Thank you for taking the time to put together this well thought out and well written guide. You really make a lot of sense!
Wow – what a great compliment! THANKYOU! x