I decided to become a recluse
and disappear from view,
from all those that I held close
From all that I knew.
I felt so disillusioned,
My mind was poisoned
Against those I once wanted
in my life for a reason,
and not just for a season.
So there I stood disappointed and down,
when for no reason it seems, suddenly a test
of my belief, that those in my life are never around
to help me pull through when things go west,
Because appearing out of the blue,
some kind words and a gift of love they deliver
and a chink of light shines through,
breaking down my barriers and forcing me to re-consider.
Was it just my perspective
Because my expectations were too high,
So they couldn’t possibly achieve,
because I’ve chosen to lie?
I’ve laughed and joked so they would believe,
that we live our lives seeing eye to eye
and I thought they couldn’t see,
deep inside to the real me.
Now I let down my guard, to challenge
deep thoughts that I should better manage,
and then a moment of revelation,
which inspires a new vibration.
I couldn’t really ever walk away, as I can see
that regardless, they continue as believers in me
and now I remember why I need to live my life
With my family and friends close by my side.
They serve to remind me that life is precious,
and to show that my perspective was feckless.
I’ve been a coward to keep feelings hidden,
fearing that people would see my truth as a midden.
Pretending that I’m positive and always here to please,
I couldn’t possibly show them what’s really inside,
because then they would see that I’m not the bees knees
so I’ve kept myself shackled and failed to confide.
Well now I’ve swapped my glasses so it’s easier to see,
whether I’m standing tall or down I fall,
that we can love each other – warts and all
and from this view the light shines brighter in me
and then it’s clear, that I really needed to change,
to lose my pride and turn the tide,
let them see my true colours which aren’t so strange,
And whatever the truth they will stay by my side.
So, the antidote to my poisonous thoughts
was to remember our beauty not warts,
as who knows what tomorrow may bring?
Life is short, so be honest and let them all in
and then you’ll be free to let your heart sing!
Wendy Hodgson – March 2015