Are thoughts damaging relationships?


Are your own thoughts impacting on your relationships? If you have a relationship that isn’t working be it with colleagues, friends or lovers, listen to the words you are creating in your mind and begin to challenge them.

That voice in your head is your voice and therefore it’s important you control it – you can choose to change the words and therefore your interpretation and the outcome in a moment or you can choose to leave the voices to spiral out of control and unchecked they gather pace and fill your mind!

I’ve learned the importance of challenging my perspective the hard way, realising sometimes too late that words I’ve read or heard and which I initially interpreted as intended to harm, were actually intended to help and my original perception had been incorrect. It was the conversation I had with myself that created a negative story and which drove my belief that I was ‘under attack’ and therefore put me into ‘defence mode’.

Being in ‘defence mode’ is never great and often initiates a negative response as defined in the well known saying: “The best form of defence is attack”…. Oh dear now we hit the downward spiral and a cross attack of words that rarely ends positively! Suddenly what may have started as an innocent comment which was mis-interpreted has now developed into a full blown war!

When you feel defensive – STOP – Take some time to listen to yourself and challenge what you are thinking. Put your shoe on the other foot and ask yourself – could there be a different view.

There are lots of pictures on the internet which show how our initial perception and interpretation of a picture may not reflect  the whole story. I don’t know where the following picture came from so I apologise up front to the owner for not acknowledging their name etc. but this is such an amazing picture I couldn’t resist using it – Take a look below – What do you see?

Parrot Perspectives

Now look again? – What else do you see….. (a different perspective revealed at the end of this post..)

Our mind interprets situations, images, words based on our beliefs and what we have learned over the years. The mind will try to help us process information based on previous events/learning and thus come up with a similar ‘solution’ to a problem etc. Whilst our brain is trying to help us, in some cases it supports mis-interpretation of events and perpetuates incorrect beliefs.

Many of our deep routed beliefs were created during childhood when we didn’t always know how to deal with situations therefore the choices we made then weren’t necessarily the best choices. As adults we need to challenge those beliefs, change the voice in our head and look at things from a different angle. Sometimes we come up with the same answer and often we suddenly see that there is an alternative way of looking at something which may give a better outcome.

A poem I wrote last year reflects this: (Don’t forget to read to the bottom of the post to see how the picture above may be looked at from a different perspective..)


 I decided to become a recluse

and disappear from view,

from all those that I held close,

from all that I knew.


I felt so disillusioned,

My mind was poisoned

Against those I once wanted

in my life for a reason

and not just for a season.


So there I stood disappointed and down

when for no reason it seems, suddenly a test

of my belief that those in my life are never around,

to help me pull through when things go west….


Because appearing out of the blue,

some kind words and a gift of love they deliver

and a chink of light shines through,

breaking down my barriers and forcing me to re-consider.


Was it just my perspective

Because my expectations were too high?

So they couldn’t possibly achieve

because I’ve chosen to lie…


I’ve laughed and joked so they would believe,

that we live our lives seeing eye to eye

and I thought they couldn’t see

deep inside to the real me.


Now I let down my guard to challenge

deep thoughts that I should better manage

and then a moment of revelation,

which inspires a new vibration.


I couldn’t really ever walk away, as I can see

that regardless they continue as believers in me.

Now I remember why I need to live my life

with my family and friends close by my side…


They serve to remind me that life is precious

and to show that my perspective was feckless.

I’ve been a coward to keep feelings hidden,

fearing that people would see my truth as a midden.



Pretending that I’m positive and always here to please,

I couldn’t possibly show them what’s really inside

because then they would see that I’m not the bees knees.

So I’ve kept myself shackled and failed to confide.


Well now I’ve swapped my glasses so it’s easier to see,

whether I’m standing tall or down I fall

that we can love each other – warts and all

and from this view the light shines brighter in me,


and then it’s clear that I really needed to change,

to lose my pride and turn the tide,

to let them see my true colours which aren’t so strange

and whatever the truth they will stay by my side.


So the antidote to my poisonous thoughts,

was to remember our beauty, not warts,

as who knows what tomorrow may bring…

Life is short, so be honest and let them all in

and then you’ll be free to let your heart sing!


Wendy Hodgson – March 2015


NEW PERSPECTIVE – Revealed: Go back to the picture above – did you see a parrot? Well look again – do you see the lady? If you can’t see the lady let me know and I’ll give you some more clues. What an amazing picture and talented person who created this image!

I’d love to hear your views and share your experiences of how your mis-interpretation of an event has impacted on a relationship. Please leave me a comment and follow my page if this rings a bell with you…












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